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When an abuser co-opts the family court system...

This online journal was created for two reasons: to support those lonely souls beginning the arduous task of separating from a stealth abuser; and also to take back my voice in society...  a voice silenced when my child's father managed to co-opt the family court system into serving as his instrument of abuse by proxy.  Without warning, or one speck of justification, our child and I were thrust into an "Alice through the looking glass" experience that I would never have thought possible.  Like many of my sisters and brothers who have navigated these trecherous waters; I am more than a competent member of society, a community volunteer, the quintessential suburban parent, yet my abuser came very close to taking my child away from me.  Although he has failed, the residue of trauma...the aftermath of denigration...the constant anxiety... continue to be a challenge. 

 

I once had the privilege (as a Catholic) to have a private audience with a Rinpoche.  Years later, his words still vibrate through me.  The Rinpoche said,

 

It is your job to be happy.  That is what God expects of you.” 

 

I feel certain that by re-claiming my voice...shall I say taking back my space in the world...that I will remember how to live in happiness.  It is certainly possible that living happiness is the most profound legacy any of us can leave our children. If you are just beginning the journey to a life seperate from an abuser, be prepared...the worst of  it may still be in front of you.  I say this not to discourage you, but to empower you through information.  

 

As I find ways to do my “job”, I will share them through this forum.  Mostly, it is my hope that you will educate yourself through these pages and develop an intelligent plan to create a new life for yourself and your children.

 

Scarlette McCallum Nakamura

 

 

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